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Saturday, September 22, 2007
been feeling rather down lately.. seemed to haf hit a low patch on my emotional point of view. i believe i mentioned b4 that i've been thinking of getting carlsberg to drink.. but y wld i want to drink an expensive n probably even quite hard to get used to flavour kinda drink? probably becoz being sad wld make me wanna drink beer.. or mayb drinking beer seems to heal or numb my sadness? or drinking beer is related to sadness in some way.. watever it is.. i think i've circled back to the part where i feel lonely? haha.. actually i dun realli feel lonely now.. whether i haf a girlfren or not i realise that its not realli a problem.. since its realli quite meaningless to think about life n stuff like that.. coz everyone's point of view abt life is different.. i've tot abt if i turned out to b impotent or happen to become impotent due to some accident or something.. den wld i still want to haf a girlfren n get married n stuff like that? pple say that if u cant conceive then u can juz adopt a child.. which is wat angie has done rite.. but i wun say its gd or bad.. but to me.. i think if u told me that.. i'd say y do i want to burden myself wif wat wld seem to b the world's largest burden in terms of monetary burdens? taking care of a child that has obviously no relation to me watsoever? juz so that i can forge up a family bond wif this stranger?
n so comes back to wat i had tot abt juz now.. having no reason to b sad is different from having a reason to b sad n choosing to look on the bright side or not to think abt it.. pple always told me not to dwell on things that wldnt help or wldnt blossom out to anything at all.. but the thing is it remains there for me to chance upon it one dae.. as long as it is unresolved, it will always haunt me somedae... which again leads to wat one's life is all about.. mayb to many pple they haf aims n goals in life.. n fulfilling them is their life.. but to me, my real aim is there basically for me to b able to feed myself properly in future.. or mayb even to feed others besides me.. pple like my parents, or my own family one dae.. so if (touch wood) my parents r not there anymore, i cannot conceive children, then wat wld my life b? pple wld tell me to find other goals in life.. to make use of my time to help other pple.. but if my mentality was as such, i'd rather want to think that everyone else tot the same way as me.. i'd mayb even influence other pple to think like me.. n if they did, then y wld they want or nid my help? the pple whom i cld probably lend a hand to help wld realli possibly b pple who r like me or even less fortunate than me..
honestly i belive that im alreadi very fortunate.. alot more than many pple in this world.. so wats the point in existing in this world of time? mayb in another world or another galaxy, their world wasnt run by time.. but by other factors that we wld nv b able to imagine of..