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Thursday, January 29, 2009
its the annual CNY post again.. ha.. but i guess i got nothing real to post about this time.. as a matter of fact.. this cny seemed abit too short.. haha.. Saturday, January 24, 2009
celebrated my dad's birthday todae.. tmr's cny eve alreadi.. kinda fast come to think of it.. hah.. almost as though i'm not even prepared for it... ha.. Friday, January 23, 2009
juz came back from daniel n tim's ord treat.. i guess there wasnt realli much food to look forward to.. hah.. juz 2 pizzas n some misc stuff to eat.. the pizzas were not bad i guess.. but coz we had quite few pple so the 21 inch wasnt as sufficient as we tot it wld b... played a little tennis n got a blister on my thumb.. haha.. n i drank 4 cans of beer n got abit light headed.. hahah.. kinda sucks man.. i guess i cant hold my liquor very well... but i guess i dun realli like beer after all.. its like not very nice in terms of taste.. n it doesnt realli fulfil the purpose of getting me dead drunk... so i suppose i shld try to avoid drinking beer as much as i can anyway..
Thursday, January 22, 2009
firstly.. thx BR for soooo many tags.. i suppose ur quite free eh.. hahah.. but about the auto play thing.. i guess i'l try it for a while.. coz personally of coz i'd want it to b like a BG music on my blog or something la.. but evrytime i go to other pple's blog wif an auto play song.. such as BR's blog, i will first thing to do go n stop the song.. lolx.. so i dunno if its realli a nuisance or juz me.. hah.. Monday, January 19, 2009
WHY? why? y? y m i Pes C? y m i enlisted in april? y was i posted to where i m now? Sunday, January 18, 2009
went for karen's birthday party yesterdae at the pitstop cafe!! haha.. was my first time there but i think i rmb my sis talking about it b4 so i guess i had a rough idea about the place alreadi... but i guess it was pretty small compared to my pre arrival imagination.. hah.. Thursday, January 15, 2009
I think i noe y i've been thinking so much about it n that i cant realli get it out of my head for even more than 5 minutes of idleness.. hah.. its probably coz im too afraid to lose... Wednesday, January 14, 2009
start counting from todae n i'l haf 100 days to ORD!!! haa.. n since todae's about over.. its 99 days now.. finally 2 digits.. but still so far... sighs... Friday, January 09, 2009
i was wondering wat i forgot to mention... regarding Amane Misa... mayb if she did not appear at all.. if Rem did not come down to the Human World.. then the battle between L and Light may haf been more personal or even more interesting... hah..
alrite! finally finished reading the 12 deathnotes todae!! hahah.. as a loyal subject of kira.. i haf to say that i'm ok wif the ending.. since i've known thru out that kira will not win in the end coz of reasons like politcally incorrect n stuff like that.. i've always wondered how the comic ended.. coz i noe its different from the movie.. although i din watch the movie oso la.. hah.. Monday, January 05, 2009
lee hom's new song everything is quite nice.. ha.. i quite like most of the lyrics... heres some parts... Friday, January 02, 2009
it is strange but still true.. evry year there will come a time where im overwhelmed wif evilness.. n its happening again!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
heres the first post of the new year! haha.. haf been blogging consecutive days for a while now.. ha.. it doesnt realli reflect how much fun i've had in recent times but rather how much time i haf to spend blogging coz i got nothing else to do or want to do.. ha..
but i haf been having slpless nites since saturdae nite.. its the time where i can onli lay on my bed n close my eyes but cant fall aslp.. so i usually on the radio n listen to my CD once thru which wld usually get me to fall aslp.. n it seems to work.. but when the radio turns off from the slp mode, i wake up! haha.. n den i will b left awake for awhile again.. haven had a gd nite's slp for about a wk now.. the onli place i can slp well is onli on the bus rides..
2 days more to saturday.. the very popular first saturday after CNY.. so many things seem to b happening on this day.. i alreadi noe 2 or 3 of my frens having birthday parties on this dae, den i haf 2 grps of frens having visiting sessions.. im joining the primary one coz it was agreed upon like half a month ago or so.. compared to jc's grp which onli approached me like juz now.. ha.. of coz my relatives r oso coming over.. but currently i'd rather b wif my frens den my family.. coz i cant b sad infront of my family n relatives.. but if i wanted to i cld give any expression towards my frens.. haha..
hopefully tmr passes without problems.. currently theres quite a schedule for tmr's work.. which sees me waking up at 5 hopefully being able to leave home at 530 to catch the first 143 to JE.. ha.. if all is well.. it'd b a great day.. ha..
on a side note.. i bought 12 flowers for valentine's day thinking i cld give them to someone.. but apparently i'm left wif onli getting them off my hands for as much as i possibly cld.. at least i can cut my costs to the minimum.. but i guess advertising to sell 12 roses here probably will get me nowhere.. so i'l juz haf to ask around n c which guy nids them n will buy them from me.. hah..
我想我不适合太认真 因为越认真只代表越伤的深
n den the next thing i noe, CNY holidays will b gone in a flash.. next thing to look forward to wld probably b saturday's primary gathering... but im wondering if there's going to b any real thing from it...
den after that will b the feb ord pple.. n den mine after.. such a long time to go..
tmr's the last work day b4 CNY.. n oso the day i become the most senior NSF!! haa.. which means i haf the rite to b in ORD mood coz im next in line.. but yet my job doesnt realli allow much of a difference in attitude to work.. or at least in my opinion la.. my area of 'expertise' so called.. is based more on good work relationships wif colleagues rather than work required of me muz b done.. if i dun do for them i oso will feel bad.. hah... but as i've learnt to tell pple about.. sometimes we juz gotta think about ourselves first.. hahaha...
i guess its nice to live life by depending on frens n other pple like that for company n stuff.. but i tend to rely on juz one person at one time.. n i will feel that i'm over relying on the person such that i shldnt bother the same person so frequently.. but i guess i nid to haf juz one person or mayb a few pple to depend on.. coz otherwise i haf to repeat certain things over n over again.. at least these pple i've gone to b4 will noe wat kind of thinking process i adopt or wat i wld tend to behave or think under different circumstances.. but i've yet to realli b successful in melding in grps yet.. im still more comfortable talking to one person at a time..
to pick out my best frens out of my 3 major grps of frens.. being primary school, secondary school and JC.. i suppose i haf different frens for different things.. haha.. for my primary school.. i feel that i can easily pick yuhui to b my best fren in terms of talking about all my feelings n tots.. partly coz i feel that she talks to me about her own feelings n tots to me without me even asking.. so i feel that she treats me as a fren.. i dun realli feel that from some pple who r supposed to b my frens.. lolx.. so thats important.. hah.. but of coz.. since we've onli met up again recently n that some things are coincidentally happening n stuff.. i suppose i cant over depend on her oso.. coz i'm supposed to b not very liao jie about her history n stuff like that..
next up is secondary school.. i suppose WP will b the best bud of RV for me.. mainly coz hes personality n mine has various similarities.. one of which is of coz the love for jing ru!! haha.. but i feel that even that in itself, i can differentiate between his n mine.. but i think i oso seldom talk about my true feelings all n all wif anyone from RV... i feel that the pple i noe are all jokers.. LOLX.. or mayb i juz dun feel like talking about it to guys.. haha.. watever eh...
from JC.. i guess theres not much to choose between BR, sam n ZYi eh.. Sam is the clear choice coz we communicate wif each other most often... n he lives nearer to me than ZYi is.. hah.. BR is out coz hes in a different league than us.. hahah.... but i guess im realli envious of BR sometimes.. b it personality or predicament.. hahah.. but coz i dun haf a real person to talk about anymore from this grp.. i will pick the grp of jurong westers n mayb cheryl tan included to b my more favoured pple to hang around wif.. haha...
I'm more n more looking forward to ORD now.. but its still so far away.. almost seems like it nv came closer since the start of 09..
Dan n Tim ORDs this coming friday.. Sam, WP, Wbi, Willy.. they ORD 2 weeks after CNY.. out of all of them.. i haf alreadi heard Dan, Tim, Sam say that they are so close to ORD that they dun even feel any happiness about it.. is that like true? I cannot believe it.. BR said its true.. speaking from a Overly Relaxed Dude's point of view.. but I refuse to believe it.. N I will even prove that it is wrong..
From X number of months ago, I had alreadi said that come april when i ORD, I mite even tear.. it wld b tears of overjoy, tears of relieve.. tears of rejuvenation... But in truth.. I myself know that I probably wun b THAT dramatic... haha... but still.. dun feel the happiness of ORD? the emptiness of life after NS? NEVER... If I was supposed to point out the top ten things I hate about being a Singaporean male, NS wld probably top the list wif 70% of the votes..
It may not b a general dislike towards doing National Service.. Hell.. I dun even dislike NS in general.. I'm fed up coz I'm wasting 2 years doing things that I'm better off not doing.. Y do I need specs? Din pple used to tell me that I shldnt face the computer for too long? It is more personal.. I feel the personal hatred towards wat I'm doing rite now.. towards the environment in which I'm spending majority of my time awake in...
I tend to think things to the extreme.. in a chinese saying, that wld b to go to the tips of the horns.. mayb thats y i tend to haf extreme moods that can change wif a single second.. But I wonder if I was born to b like that.. to b an extremist..
I'd rather b a doppleganger.. at least his aim in life is to copy.. wif no real self, he does not nid to feel bad about himself.. even if the duplicated copy is a far cry from the original... at least the goal wld simply b to become 100% alike..
the super hero syndrome.. i suppose almost evryone wld haf this urge to b someone's super hero.. to b there n save the dae.. to rescue the victim from the clutches of evil.. or mayb juz from the troubles that the person was facing at a point or evry point of time.. but for this to happen.. there are a few conditions to b met..
1) the person MUZ face trouble that can b solved by a third person.. he/she cannot solve the problem by him/herself..
2) the 'superhero' muz b able to solve the problem wif ease.. solving the problem nonetheless after a whole tedious process may work.. but that wld lead to complications...
3) no one else muz seem to b able to do it except for the 'superhero'..
So wif those 3 conditions in mind, doesnt it mean that wanting to b a 'superhero' is wrong? since it wld mean that the 'superhero' is hoping that the person MUZ face trouble.. regardless of wat it may b.. it MUZ vex the person to a certain extent.. in other words.. he is hoping that the person runs into problems so that he can step in n save the dae... isnt it incorrect to hope something bad happens to someone else?
BUT if thats not true, then does that mean, regardless of how slight it may b, that there's a chance whereby it is justifiable to create problems for another person? to cause discomfort to someone else?
if the dude who created humans werent so lazy... we all wld haf been more perfect...
karen had chosen the theme of old school.. but im not realli very good wif themes n such.. ha.. so i juz wore my pj shirt over a tshirt.. but it turned out that onli the few of us realli made the effort to dress for the occasion.. haha.. karen's dressing was realli nice too.. i like how she looked yesterdae..
i think if i'm gonna celebrate my 21st.. i'l juz treat the different grps of frens individually.. at least that way i dun nid to shuttle between the different grps.. n can focus on juz one grp.. but i think that way it will probably juz last for half an hour or so.. hahah...
anyway reached back my place at around 1240 alreadi.. hah... den i went up to the reservoir for a 5 minutes or so.. ha.. i was rather surprised that there weren't anyone there anymore at all.. i guess the pple stay there at nite but not that late into the nite.. i was also surprised that there was almost no wind there at all.... the water was calm n it was quite a different feel compared to in the dae...
the 3rd surprise to me was that the sky had quite a bit of stars.. its been quite long since i last saw stars in the sky.. but i dunno how to c wat stars r which.. ha.. but i guess it doesnt matter to me anyway....
pple always say that we dunno how to 珍惜 until we actually lose it.. that is probably true.. in different ways as well.. i'm trying to safeguard wat i dun wanna lose... but i dun even noe if i haf it yet.. so if i dun haf it yet.. den how can i lose it? n if i want to 珍惜 it, i may b doing it in a wrong way or in a too extreme way.. which means i dunno how to do it as well..
being alone is soooo much more easier.. but i guess pple live to interact wif other pple.. human relations may b a tad too complicated in my opinion but i guess sometimes its inevitable for someone to want to relate to other pple..
i cant take things too fast.. haf to do it slow... but i wonder if i'm able to last for a long battle... i've been preparing for a swift attack.. but i guess i can onli do it long term.. or at least longer than i'd haf wanted it.. haha... no choice ba.. its not my decision to make in a sense.. i'l juz try my best..
smoking isnt realli as addictive as i tot it wld b.. or mayb different cigarettes haf different levels of addictiveness... i dunno.. but i feel that smoking is realli like eating sweets... eating one sweet is not enuff.. so theres always the want to get another one... but after i stop.. i dun realli haf any crave for wanting another any time after not smoking.. plus the fact that i noe its not healthy, i stop myself from taking too many at once.. ha.. so conclusion? smoking is not addictive... at least i dun feel it that way.. haa... BUT its still quite fun.. lolx.. takes my mind off things...
i hope good fortune is with me for the next few months or so.. i will b needing it.. haha.. hope i can realli haf 万事如意... haix...
but i can sum up very simply as to why did yagami light fail in the end... simply put.. its coz of the pple around him.. haha.. the pple that he cld make use of... firstly we c amane misa.. shes a girl with a brain size of mayb a bottle cap? haha.. as such, shes ez to manipulate of coz... but the worth of manipulating her wld decrease alot since she wld realli juz b a pair of hands.. of coz sometimes juz having an additional pair of hands is more useful than having someone who bothers to think about wat they are doing la.. ha..
den the next guy was chosen by Light himself.. Teru Mikami... hes one with enuff mental capability to act on his own when Kira cld not pass on instructions.. he cld briefly understand the general flow of Kira's tots n executed some actions on his own which pleased Light in a certain way... although it was purely accidental that Kiyomi Takada was chosen as Kira's spokesperson, the most obvious correct action was to eliminate the previous spokesperson.. hah..
However.. he doesn't seem to b that smart anymore after linking up wif Kira himself.. this can b seen from the fact that he din even realise who was following him around in the final days b4 the showdown.. if he had even been capable of identifying who was following him.. regardless of whether he knew onli his presence or if he knew exactly who he was.. then he wld haf been able to retrieve the real death note from the bank n took it home instead of leaving it back there again.. he wld haf done that if he knew that he was being followed.. but apparently he was juz another numbnuts.. hah..
Finally, Kiyomi Takada... although shes a kira supporter.. shes too feeble in terms of her mental strength.. if she was anywhere stronger.. she wld haf been able to accept killing pple calmly... although she did execute the criminals for a few wks.. or at least thats wat i understood la.. ha.. but yet she cldnt take it when she killed Mello.. if she cld relate that fact to Light calmly.. i think she wldnt haf needed to b sacrificed.. although of coz.. it was nearing the end n Light probably wld haf disposed of her all the same.. but i tot leaving as many pple to manipulate alive wld haf been a better plan.. i guess Light was juz too confident in winning that he din realli bother about safety plans anymore...
I mentioned b4 that if i had a death note in the world where Kira alreadi exists.. if Light alreadi exists.. then i wld want to b able to help him as much as i cld... haha.. n then i said that I wld probably b killed by Kira bcoz I wld b able to c Light's name n that i wasnt trustworthy enuff to b kept alive.. ha.. after all if it all ended.. I wld b the onli threat left to him..
that was b4 i read the later portions of death note.. n coincidentally, that role that i talked about was actually similar to the role of Teru Mikami.. haha.. n Light mentioned in the comic that he wld keep Mikami alive after killing Near... so I guess I wldnt die if i helped him this way.. hah.. but yet Mikami's faith of Light being god crumbled to pieces at the end... Im forced to think that Near realli did use the death note to manipulate Mikami into madness b4 dying.. coz from wat i see.. if I was in his shoes.. I wldnt doubt Light even if he was shot n lay there bleeding.. I wld still listen to him regardless.. of coz I probably wun b able to finish writing Nate River for him with my hands tied together la.. ha.. I'd probably get shot too if i tried... but i seriously wun hurl abuse at Light juz coz his plan wasnt coming together...
So I've nv wanted to b Light.. I'd rather b someone helping Light... but if I was in Light's shoes, at the end of it all.. I wld haf instructed Mikami to bring a false death note to the warehouse... to write down everyone's name in the fake note except for Light... then I wld accuse Near that he used a fake note n someone to make it look like the death note was meant to kill evryone except Kira but actually the note is fake... then under abit of interrogation wif Mikami to reveal that he indeed was hired by Near.. as long as there's no evidence to prove Light is Kira.. n wif Near being reversely accused, the Japanese team wld probably b suspecting Near a little more than b4.. n since Mikami in fact wrote Near's real name, I wld b able to dispose of him any time after this event... as long as I m free to move.. even if im still being watched by the japanese team, as long as I took out Near.. the rest of them cld b taken out by juz about anyone who possesed the deathnote..
So simply put.. the basic point of meeting in the warehouse was to take out Near... even if there was a more direct plan... like wat Near wld haf predicted to happen.. that b4 he took off his mask, all of the pple there except him n Kira wld die, den Light cld haf juz taken a gun out n shoot Near... that wld b the most direct plan.. but i guess Light wld haf wanted to end Near by writing his name in the deathnote... after all.. this is a battle of pride... not realli anymore about finding the truth of the mass murderer... so i guess pride is still wat ruins a man.. hahahah...
就算别人都说 我们没什么出息
不可能会这样轻易放弃
Cause Youre My Everything
就一个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天
永远从此刻开始算起
多少烟火 坠落无痕迹
因为幸福 没有捷径 难免要绕道
不被看好越是要走到
if i were to try summing up my 2008 experience.. i'd probably nid to recall certain unhappy events so i'd rather juz leave the summing up to the archives i've had over on the rite side of this page.. ha.. but i think i've come up wif the idea as to y i've been feeling so strange recently.. or shld i say after the chalet..
i've obviously been in NS for the past 1 year n a few months more, n during this time period, i've developed my own way of living by myself... to stick to myself without the need of another individual to always or frequently b there for me.. to b able to solve my own problems without the nid to ask for opinions, to ask for alternatives, to talk about many things.. mayb all this havent changed.. but the onli thing that's changed is probably the fact that pple HAF become available for this.. even if i choose not to discuss myself wif them, the fact remains that they've come closer to me such that i can c them in the distance n shld i ever nid to, i cld approach them..
but this availability has led to problems wif my thinking process.. i can no longer survive on my own.. when im sure that nobody's around, i can b certain that im alone.. that i haf to do evrything by myself.. so all i had to do was to make myself feel comfortable.. n i think i succeeded in that.. ha.. but being comfortable mite not mean that im happy..
being wif my frens at the chalet made me rather happy.. or mayb even too happy.. happiness drew me away from my comfort zone.. but yet this happiness cannot b sustained.. it expires almost too soon.. n im caught standing in a place where i feel neither comfortable nor happy..
of coz there mite b other reasons.. but this is wat i cld gather from evidence that i've been thinking thru recently.. ha.. reading death note oso sets my mind thinking in a hyper logical way.. n speaking of death note, i think the anime was better in terms of portraying Light's genius.. ha.. the comic makes him less than wat i rmb him to b..
so mayb im juz trying to get back into my comfort zone.. into my own brick house where i'l b safely tugged away by myself.. BUT.. i think i forgot my keys.. lolx.. mayb i will try the chimney.. haha..
on a side note.. assuming i alreadi noe who actually reads this blog, wat makes u think that watever i say is true? n if it were true, den wat wld b my intentions? i wonder if evrybody does things for a purpose.. haha.. mayb pple juz read for fun.. read n forget without the process of digesting n of coz without the process of thinking the answers to the 2 questions i juz proposed.. haha...