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Wednesday, June 18, 2008
todae my fellow teammate has finally ORDed.. or should i say ROD.. but I still haf fugging 312 days more.. although that includes wkends n all.. but its still a rather long way... I miss my life.. i dunno y is it a crime to b a singaporean man such that evryone one of us nids to serve 2 years of time.. although the punishment has been cut down to such n it was longer in the older days.. i think in the older days.. not as many pple wld think of it as a punishment... Thursday, June 05, 2008
There has been so many things for me to spend my time on that i've had absolutely no time for blogging.. or at least the reasons for blogging has caused it to take up a low priority in my list of things to do.. ha..
I've got a violent streak and a rather short n bad temper.. so its probably tough for pple to get along wif me.. hah..
Its not like i've always or onli been a pessimist.. i mean i do think positively at times.. but i tend to think to extreme ends.. extremely good endings or extremely bad endings.. such is probably the reason y im a pessimist for the most part... when i think positively, i'd tend to think of evry good thing that can happen.. n i doubt that cld really happen at all.. unless its a staged thing or purposed arrangedment made by others.. n then i'd feel unhappy coz things din turn out the way i wld haf tot they wld.. n den when i think about extreme bad ends, they most probably dun realli happen anyway.. or they may not b as bad as i tot.. n when this happens, i'd of coz feel relieved that things din turn out as bad as i tot.. n so i guess naturally i'd get stuck to being a negative thinker..
I guess i'l nv be happy..
i guess i'm used to sadness..
anyway i've learnt to think of wat things r said or written or transmitted from one person to another solely for the purpose of advertising.. to let other pple noe wat u think is not good. to let other pple noe that u dun like something.. its so deliberate that i feel that many things haf become unnecessary to speak.. i dun want pple to think that i say things becoz i want pple to noe that i feel that way..
but yet i still want to express myself.. i feel that frustration can build up from the most small matters into something explosive.. of coz.. i still haf the ability to take things in my stride in a sense.. to see through evrything as a illusion of life.. nothing much is there a nid to worry too much about.. or to haf an overly exagerrated sense of care towards anything or anyone.. even so.. i still want to say that i HATE THE ARMY.... its not about any one thing.. its not about my vocation, not realli about my pay, not about the time spent (wasted), not about any one thing..
i believe that the answer is rather illogical.. due to the fact that i cant realli pinpoint when did i start hating the army.. nor can i pinpoint wat is the cause of the immense feeling that i haf..
but i prod over the fact that i believe it is due to the tanglement of all the possible reasons for my dislike..
most pple say that u can learn useful things in NS.. i cant disagree wif that.. even if u dun learn anything along the way.. u'd still b able to make use of some time that u'd haf which u wldnt haf elsewhere.. to get to learn something.. but i disagree that looking from a point of view that when u r able to learn things.. when u get to obtain these new skills or technique or thinking skills watsoever.. it can justify ur time in NS.. it can make NS less boring (torturous).. I deliberately disagree wif it.. I prefer to not take anything out of the time i haf in NS.. I prefer to mount all bad things n lump them on the term National Service.. I prefer to link evrything that i dislike wif NS.. So that when I leave.. I can still safely say that i HATED it.. so that I can tell evryone in my life that if i cld n i had a choice between having my story of life written in this country or in another.. i'd not choose Singapore wif about 40% reason becoz of NS. i may b juz behaving as a weakling but i realli dun want to elaborate anymore..
[ on a side note.. the 'other country' that i compared is definitely one that is partially on par wif singapore or something close.. i dun consider war zones as something close tho..]